New Insights

I write this after several weeks of frustration with the bank. Shawn and I are in the process of buying a house. I am one of the types of people who expect others to correctly do the job they are paid to do. When I have to submit the same papers, that they lost, three times- there is a problem. If the bank system makes it seem like the general public could do a better job running the bank, then it is time to re-evaluate the system. I have finally just given into the fact that I can't change the situation but I can certainly change how I feel about it.

I spent the next couple days in my own world. I buried myself in packing the house, playing with horses and dogs, and reflecting on what is truly important. I realized that being angry or frustrated is absolutely a perfect emotion to have but it is what we do with those emotions that really affect us. I chose to not let them run me down. I found practical ways to allow myself to experience the emotion and then let go of it. That's the hard part- letting go. (That must be one of my major life lessons, along with patience too.) Letting go means allowing whatever it is to happen and then moving past/with it with no attachment to the outcome. I know there is nothing I can do to make the bank give us the mortgage. I can, however, supply them with all the paperwork (no matter how many times I have to give it to them) they need in order to see that we are qualified buyers. I have to 'let go' of the attachment to have things work perfectly the way I want them to and just allow them to happen as they are supposed to.

We don't always know why things happen the way they do but when we silence our thoughts for a moment and just be present we can allow information to flow more smoothly.  Letting go of attachment to the outcome also means to be fully present in the moment. It is through this presence in the moment that I was able to see the bigger picture and how I am being affected. I mentioned earlier my need to control situations to make things flow 'perfectly' the way I want them to. Ridiculous right?

In a moment of letting go, I became aware of the beautiful sound of all the birds on the farm and the very ear piercing sounds of a Red Tailed Hawk. She was magnificent! She flew around the trees, out of sight, only to come back and fly right over my head. It was stunning and inspiring! To be able to be free from boundaries and the sky is her limit she really brought me back. She was beautiful and poised. She is able to make decisions at a moments notice all because she is present in the moment. I realized that letting go of the proverbial branch and letting my wings carry me to great heights at any moment because I can....was just cool and inspiring.

So inspiring that I started contemplating the reasons I don't do liberty work with my horses. They are very well behaved and do anything I ask on lead but with no strings attached (pun intended) it is a different story. As I have a need to control, having some sort of physical attachment to my horse only makes sense to me. If they don't do as I ask, I can 'control' the situation via equipment. I reached a point this morning where this previous thought process just seemed ridiculous. I have good relationships with my horses. We do trust each other. I feel safe working with my horses in almost any situation. So then why not remove all strings and go bare?

So that is exactly what I did. I did some research first. I researched Carolyn Resnick and Klaus Ferdinand Hempfling. I like their styles and the way they are with the horses. I wanted to just go out and start doing liberty work in the big open field with my horses. Well.... before getting to that big open field, I needed to do my homework. I realized I needed to work on my patience and let the liberty relationships with my horses evolve as they will. So how far did I get today? Does it really matter how far I got today? Today I started a new journey with my horses that is based on a relationship and trust at liberty and we will get 'there' whenever we get 'there'. I am in no hurry and just want to have fun being present with my horses and letting them guide how far we will go. They show me when I am energetically moving to fast, when I push to much, and how to slow down and let the process happen.

It is hard to get out of our own way and see the bigger picture. Some of us question the phrase, "Everything happens for a reason". I am here to tell you that everything absolutely does happen for a reason. We may not know right away but as we learn to quiet ourselves and be present we begin to understand why things happen. I can tell you why just about every major event in my life in the last few years has happened. I can tell you that I am very thankful for every situation that has happened, even if it was a difficult, saddening, or frustrating experience. I have learned so much and grown so much from all the events in my life. We are drawn to situations that help us grow and to learn more about being in touch with our Authentic Selves. We don't have to live in a place of fear or anger. We don't have to let our Ego make us feel like we aren't good enough or we didn't try hard enough. We are enough just the way we are-perfect. For me, understanding why I am fearful of certain things has helped me learn that if we just accept them as they are and come from a place of love then there is no fear, competition, right or wrong, or good and bad. I have said and heard people say that there is evil in the world so that we can know love.  I feel this is true but also feel that everything is just a matter of perception. I feel that we are all brought here from the Divine and there is a purpose for all of us. Who are we to say that a situation, by our perception, is bad? What if the Divine has a great and good plan for that seemingly 'bad' situation? Then it is just our perception that it is bad. I challenge myself and everyone else to look at each situation that may seem negative from a different perspective. A perspective of love. If we look at everything with love, then aren't we following our hearts and our Authentic Selves?

If I can allow myself to feel that the bank is doing everything possible they can to get the job done correctly to get us the mortgage, then I don't have to be so angry with them for making ridiculous errors. I know that all will work out perfectly as it is intended, no matter what ends up happening. I am choosing to feel acceptance about the situation and it is a much needed breath of fresh air to a seemingly stifling situation.

When I voice my truth coming from a place of love, I will be heard.

In the moment, I will let go and let be.

Forever Love and Great Appreciation.

Connection

It is simply amazing how we can go through life and be connected via cell phones, internet, video chat, skype, etc. and miss the true connections in life.

Life has purpose and meaning with so much depth that it takes often a lifetime to truly connect with. I work daily to slow down. I ask myself, how slow must I become to connect? It isn't about slowing down physically to become lazy but rather to slow down our actions, reactions, and thoughts enough to be present in every single moment. When we can be present in the moment, everything is perfect. If everything is perfect then there is no wrong choice or bad answer. Moments simply provide us countless opportunities to see the perfection in everything.

 Let me share with you two stories.

A friend and I decided to take her beautiful young Belgian for a walk in the neighborhood. I was on the lead and she was providing support and hopefully learning something from my interaction with her horse that would help her work with her horse outside the boundaries of her pasture. So the stage was set, my friend and her "fear", and me and my need "to be good enough", and the young Belgian who was scared outside of the pasture.
My only advice from my friend was to keep his head to me as he will take his chance to turn and run off. After about 50 ft down the road the big 'B' decided the bugs and the cars and the lack of horse buddies was too much. He began rearing and became belligerent. He would calm for a moment only to turn away again and get upset. We started to walk back, he veered to the side of the road, it happened so quick and then all we saw were four hooves thundering away. I laughed a very frustrated, defeated laugh. He made his way back to and into the barn. Inside waiting for him was my friend's husband and co-worker. They greeted the Belgian with treats, a pat, and a 'you are alright big buddy' phrase. I was not happy.
So to wrap this up the following day my friend called me to let me in her own revelation in the experience and little did she know I had my own as well. It was a beautiful opportunity for both of us to realize that the magnificent Belgian provided us both with a chance to work through our issues. Her with her fear and me with my need to be good enough.  What we realized is that there was nothing to be afraid of and we are good enough just the way we are. How silly it seems in hindsight but how we could have avoided so much frustration if we had only been present enough at the time to truly see the perfection in the experience. Hindsight revelation is great but I want to bring my hindsight to the moment of the present so that I can learn in the moment.

Today I learned that a very exciting clinic I will be attending this week will also be attended by Sherry. I have known Sherry for about 4 years now and I was not happy about this news. I was anxious and considered not attending the clinic. Now remember, this is my perception. I feel as though Sherry has a way of wording things that sound supportive but feels more of "I'm right. You're not." I feel she has a way of being smug and condescending but comes off nicely. I realize that she is a good person and truly means well but then why don't I feel supported by her supposedly supportive words.
As I reflected further I realized that part of journey is letting go of worry about judgment from others. I very much care about what others say and generally feel I am being judged, whether I am or not. When I feel I am being judged I become defensive, shut down, and am not my authentic self. I have a hard time being true to who I am and honoring myself. I feel I will become vulnerable to judgment if i allow myself to experience my authentic self.

 

Even writing this there is that fear of being judged by who will read this. I know that this clinic will be an opportunity to work with that attachment of judgment from others. I think we are all provided opportunities to work with our little gremlins. As much as I don't like this particular gremlin, I know that much can be gain by working with it. 

 

So going back to my Intuition blog, much of it comes through connection in the moment. Connecting in the moment allows us to feel freedom from judgment and attachment, and true peace and love. I will continue to work moment by moment to find this connection to my Spirit that allows me to access deep love and appreciation for all things. Through this connection we provide fuel for our ability to follow our intuition to follow our hearts on life's spiritual journey.